More Bad, Creepy, Downright Scary Mall Santa Claus’s
Ah, the Mall Santa Claus… Is there a more noble profession to spread the joy of Christmas? But I wonder, just how many millions of us have these creepy Kris Kringles scarred for life by sitting on his lap…? Put yer on on some real scary, creepy and downright funny Santa Clauses! They bring a certain brightness to this crazy holiday shopping season!
“Ew… Santa’s breath smells all bourbony like Uncle Rogers!”
“Weeeeeeee!!! I’m on Percocet!”
“Santa?… Is that an elf in your pocket or are ya just happy to see me?”
Oh yeah! It’s a “Lou Rawls Family Christmas!”
“For the love of GOD! Somebody… Please! Get me out of here!
“Why, Cindy… I don’t remember you having these last year!”
Wow… that creepy dude from the “SAW” movies is a mall Santa, too?
“Hold yer britches, Charlena… Daddy ain’t done askin’ fer his shot gun shells and case of Red Man…”
Please Santa… bounce me on your knee some more… just the way we both like.
Ho, Ho, Helllll No!
“Now you be a good girl and go tell your momma Santa’s got a big, special present just for her…”
Santa…dude… Lay off the Botox! You look like House Santa’s of Orange County.
“Mommy?… Why is Santa taking a poop on that car dealership?”
Aw, c’mon Claus! Stickin’ cousin It from the Adam’s Family on your face does not pass as a beard!
I reckon a live, breathing Santa wasn’t in the mall budget.
“Yes, Timmy… I know you like fried ‘taters… it’s time to go back to the home now…”
“I’ll just stick my hand right there for safety-sake, Bobby… Ol’ Santa wouldn’t want ya slippin’ of his lap, now would he?”
“He sees you when you’re sleeping…” right before he chops you up with an axe!
…and the Valiums kicked in… right about……….. now.
“Oh, Ms Tammy! Those the set I brought ya last year? How ’bout Ol’ Santa brings you a nice shiny pole to go along with’em!?!?!?”