Scary, Demented Children and the Unbelievably Bad Products Aimed At Them

The Creepiest Kids Advertisements Ever

From the 1950’s – Gas …the magic of INSTANT Boiled Baby!

What I really think she needs is to get her soul back.

Two wieners, Billy? Oh, you naughty boy! This classic is from the 1940’s and delivers one of my favorites lines ever… wieners are always straight- never curved.

No one has ever armed an entire family so easily, with so much value than the 1950’s Sears Christmas Catalogues.

Any way you figure it… that boy digs their ass.

Circa 1910… Alcoholism. Beneficial to Young and Old! Cultivate the Rainier Beer Habit today. Oh, why you’re at it, throw in a little crack, too.

Eating out what?

Wash the Black right off ya with Pearls’!

Gee, old man… Been beating the shit out of your wife and kids again? Whoa, Nelly! Maybe you should try caffeine-free Sank. Ray Rice has.

Mrs. Winslow’s Soothing Syrup was developed in 1845 and sold millions of bottles a year at 25 cents a pop. Its two primary ingredients were morphine and alcohol so it’s not surprising it relieved pain and were a mom’s BFF. It also caused a great many infant deaths from accidental overdoses. “Mrs. Winslow’s” was denounced by the American Medical Association in 1911 but continued to sell as late as 1930.

From 1950, Motorola Television, the best babysitter on the planet.

Blatz Beer circa 1917: “A case of good beer in your home means much to the young mother, and obviously baby partakes in the benefits” Yes, every child need encouragement to drink from an early age.

For the Junior Terrorist in Training, there’s nothing like the real thing, baby.

A prepubescent Brook Shields for Love’s Baby Soft fragrance. Was the word pedophilia in the American vocabulary in the 1970s?

In the 1950s, you could suffocate so many good things in Du Pont Cellophane.

Scary girls eat Kellogg’s Toasted Corn Flakes.

They’re also so great for kids with third-degree facial burns.

C’mon, y’all! Dive deep into Baby Chippendale’s glistening Peanut Butter Pie! Mmm… delish!

The Joy of Satan.

Well, if Papa says it won’t hurt us, then by all means! Pack heat, kids!

Go home, baby. You’re drunk.

Sure, he’s a creepy ginger, but what I wanna know is why are there strange-looking hot dogs just sitting there on the tablecloth?

Happy Father’s Day, Dad! Smoke up!

The Dutch Boy’s Lead Party coloring book from 1923.

Looks more like The Dutch Boy’s Acid Party.

Now boarding from the rear first.

Cocaine Toothache Drops from 1885. A great bargain for 15 cents a hit. Problem is, you can’t stop sucking them!

Yes, you can never start your addiction too early. Besides, as the ad copy states, “…babies that start drinking soda during that early formative period have a much higher chance of gaining acceptance and “fitting in” during that awkward pre-teen or teen years” SO do your child a favor and get them hooked now on Coke!

Chubbies from Lane Bryant. My, that’ll do wonders for a young girls self-esteem.

From 1938– It’s Gingervating, Baby!

Phillip Morris Cigarettes. What proud, gentle mothers smoked in 1958.

Ayer’s Cherry Pectoral circa the 1870s. They claimed that its effects were magical. Most likely because it contained a child’s favorite ingredient… Opium!